"Designer: I'm bored and all the bathrooms are full."

This chat is off the record Learn more Cancel

me: yo
Fortgang: yo. my brain isn't working anymore
me: haha, well good thing you got a good 20 years out of it
at least its better than a car
Fortgang: yup
me: (not-amused music plays) anyways
Fortgang: haha no. serioiusy like i said. brain dead
me: haha, good. then maybe youre primed for this
Fortgang: for what?
me: basically, anna left a voicemail to the effect that she and brynna might still have bedbugs, so for their sake and the sake of my visitors i am looking to see if i can put them up elsewhere
Fortgang: what visitors?
me: moral of the story--and you can consult with the roomies and get back to me--but would it be cool if i had them and/or me hit up your couches
my 2 friends from bmore
Fortgang: I'd rather it be you, but it's prob. fine
me: ok well ill talk to the powers that be and we'll see if we can strike a deal
Fortgang: unless andy and lauren are coming this weekend which I don't think they are, but if they are I have to say no, but at this point I don't think that's happening
me: oh totally. definitely let me know if something changes on that front
Fortgang: it's already thurs. I don't think they're coming. it was an idea that was floated on monday and not really followed up on
but I don't really want them to come bc my parents are coming this weekend and that would all just be a lot to handle
me: yes, yes it would
wait, isnt adam out of town this weekend too?
Fortgang: I have to alert someone when I have to pee. this is demoralizing
yeah, oh yeah, he's coming back sunday or sat night. so there's a free room
me: yeah i know how that is. again, so glad we went to college
Fortgang: lol
so funny and so sad
me: haha. much like much of this year
Fortgang: lol. SO TRUE
me:
"let us now prepare to agree with each other for 2 hours [read 3 1/2 hours]"
Fortgang: hahaha.
we will now agree for many minutes
me: haha true story
Fortgang: I feel like I"m 2 "I have to go potty!"
me: another demoralizing sitch: sharing an office / close easily eavesdroppable space with someone else all F'ing day
like, i just want to call my mom and my insurance co and crazy-people doctors and gynos and whatever without knowing that someone is listening the entire time
and she never goes out
never for lunch
nothing
she takes her lunch break to study at her desk
which is fine and legit and we're getting along swimmingly, but its like, LEAVE
its roommate frustration but its the same space and im stuck here doing things i dont necessarily want to do, at least not right this minute or right here
ok. [end rant]
instead i will sublimate my frustration by pounding down my watered-down coffee until i am out of my mind. yayyyy
Fortgang: lol
achel never goes out for lunch? what is she studying?
me: foreign policy related to the middle east
she's taking a class. before that, it was the GREs
Fortgang: damn.
it's only been a little while here aka a week, but I really need to call the gyno and I can't find time and I can't even research it here
me: why not?
Fortgang: I'm in the central pt. of the office without any even cubicle walls I feel weird scrolling amongst gynecologists while eighteen people pass by every two minutes
me: word
omg
its like overheardintheoffice is me
Fortgang: wha hoppened?
great rant by the way, even the line breaks were very well done
me: because i was just going to say something about how i think that sometimes i think i just drink coffee so that 1. i can move around and spend time getting the coffee, and then 2. the best part, i get to go to the bathroom where i am alone and its quiet and there arent phones and people
and then i go and click on overheardintheoffice.com. and the top post:
Designer: I'm bored and all the bathrooms are full.
AMEN! TRUTH.
Fortgang: no shit. no pun intended.
me: haha, (zing)
Fortgang: that's the number one office game I usually play. coffee and poop. me and julia did it competitively one summer.
but not when I have to call someone to poop. no. even that is taken away from me
me: god i hate my life this week
Fortgang: yeah
me: this week = life vs. living. very very far apart.
Fortgang: preacher choir
me: and i want a cashew to accompany my coffee.
Fortgang: um, jeremy said something good this morning.
I was like I can't believe it's not even 10 o'clock yet. and he like, yeah, it's like extra hours of life that you don't need or want
me: hahaha
niiiice.
yesterday i was sitting on the metro (going to, ugh, kickball)
and, no lie, i realized that i was moving my left hand to cover my right, which had closed into a fist. i was literally holding my own self down from punching strangers on the metro
Fortgang: that sounds like new york
but yeah.
at w-land yesterday there was a kid's b-day party. babies all over the place. it was not cute. I was just like, get them out of here
I am so far from maternal instincts kicking in
me: we're just accustoming ourselves to hate everyone.
eventually we'll get tired of hating everyone and be like, fuck it! (FUCK YOU ALL) i am going to have someone love me, and you know what, im going to fucking love them. and we'll have babies. and then i'll ignore you all because i'll be cuccooned in my own existence. PEACE.
Fortgang: hahahahahahaha
so marriage and kids stems not from love but from an insane hatred of almost everyone else?
and then thirty years later you're stuck with one person and then you start to fucking hate them, and then you just want to die
me: yeah
i guess you can always hope to have really entertaining / cool kids
cuz then you and your Chosen One can be like, ok life is kind of really annoying, but THAT is funny.
Fortgang: this is so klosterman
me: plus they need you and you made them, so you're more willing to put up with their annoying side too. (much like, willingness to deal with annoying-school, where at least youre writing about shit you chose and that interests you vs. work where youre like, this aint my back)
oh i am copying the shit out of this convo
its going into my book, which i havent started but probably will right now
do you feel used now? whoo my head feels woozy from all this coffee.


Fortgang: my brain feels broken
we have been chatting all day
me: welcome.
you are now officially and undeniably part of Our Working World
enjoy your stay
Fortgang: fuck
me: this is your air. everything else is some variation of sisyphus's fucking rock.
Fortgang: you mean g-chat is the air?
me: yes. at least from 9 (or 8 or 930) to 5 (or 630 or retirement)